I’m so dumb! Why did I let you do that?! I should have never let you do that! I should have stopped you from doing that! Fuck being selfless. I’m selfish!
I have so much to a say but I don’t have words for any of them. I have no clue where to start. Maybe I’ll just start of as this hurts. It hurts so much. Why does it hurt this much? I can’t even breathe. The more I think about it the more it hurts. If I don’t think about it, it’s still going to hurt. I decided to reopen one of your letters. The one that says if you want to know how much I love you. I’m scared to open the last one. Because then I won’t have any more letter from you. Man, I’m so mad that I suck. Even though I pushed the idea to you now I wish I didn’t. At least I could have showed you that I can be better, that I can be the best. Now the last impression of me you have before your break is the shitty times we had. Which is just great because the most significant moments are the first and last. Learned that from psychology, and I’m pretty sure you did too. But I doubt you remember our first moments. I don’t know how many times I’m going to say the word suck. But it sucks that I’m not good enough to keep your attention. I’m sorry. I tried. I wish I had time to try harder. Hopefully the times you did see me as the best pays off. I can’t help to think what I could have done better. I guess it’s my fault I’m such a shitty person. I would say you deserve better, but I want to say is you deserve me. And I’ll give you better. I’ll give you the best. When you asked if I would try to get you back, and I said not. That was me being prideful. Fuck yeah I would try to get you back. I would be stupid if I didn’t. This is getting off track, but I’m actually going to miss your brother. The day this happened he finally admitted that he liked me without even having me to ask him and persuade him to say yes. I’m actually going to miss your mom too. There’s so much going through my mind. I can’t help but to think that I put the idea of a break in your head. But at the same time you even said you wanted one. Then the idea of me pushing you to do it now is in my head. I can’t stop thinking about it. What would have happened if I just told you we can talk about it tomorrow. Why do I do this to myself. I guess I like being alone. I lied to you. I don’t want to do whatever makes you happy. I want to do whatever makes me happy. And you make me happy. But love is selfless. That’s one thing I learned. I hope I learn more things from you in the future. I think the craziest thing is we BOTH talk as if this is the end. Which saddens me, because it gives no hope for the future. What I was really hoping to hear from you didn’t come out of your mouth. It sucks because as much as I want you to come back, I have the strongest feeling you won’t and that’s what hurts the most. Having a fate you can’t changed is the worst. Because there is nothing you can do about it except watching it happen. I’ll just keep my eyes closed.
I’m sorry you couldn’t love me for longer. I wish you did.
Fact: I never show jealousy. But sometimes it’s a good thing to show someone you are jealous. It’s flattering. Especially if it’s your significant other. Because if you aren’t a little bit jealous, then that’s a problem. Even if you trust them.